Here are some answers to questions I get asked all the time.
If you don't find an answer to your question, please contact me and just ask. You'll find I'm very straight-forward and welcome the opportunity to help.
Frequently Asked Questions
23 | What is the process?
Who are you, and why should I trust you?
I am Amy Color, an Intimacy Healer and Therapist. Certified Imago Educator - endorsed by Oprah, Certified Gottman Educator - endorsed by Oprah, Sexological Bodyworker, Couples Coaching Institute, Erotic Intelligence Facilitator - Esther Perel, Bringing Baby Home Facilitator and more. I continue my extensive training education and endless research into intimacy, and sexual health issues. I am particularly knowledgeable about men's sexual health, erectile dysfunction and prostate issues.
I believe that experiential intimacy therapy best helps my clients, talk therapies do not allow for intimate touch.
I am passionate about helping individuals and couples feel connected, intimate, safe and able to express their full, alive authentic selves.
The type of intimacy therapy I offer can be a combination of both talk and experiential body work.
What types of people see you?
Normal every day individuals and couples from age 18 up to 92.
Those or partners dealing with fear of intimacy or trauma.
People just starting out on their journey and wanting to learn.
New relationships wanting to not repeat the same relationship or sexual patterns.
Sometimes there is an interest or kink that one or both wants to incorporate without bringing imbalance to the home or relationship I can help you introduce variety safely.
Those feeling stuck in a rut or wanting to deepen their connection, intimacy or repertoire.
Couples where one of the partners is no longer interested or able to have sex.
Mismatched libido or interest.
Couples and individuals where there is a sexual challenge, erection challenges, prolapsed bladder, pain, prostate or uterus health issues, abuse, or affairs.
Woman and men with intimacy issues, body image, orgasm challenges, insecurity or lack of touch.
What does a session look like?
I greet you at the door if you are for any reason not comfortable you are welcome to leave.
If there is a verbal dialogue that needs to take place you will sit, clothed in my comfortable chairs, facing each other. We discuss only relationship, sexuality, intimacy and connection using safe Imago™ dialogue technique.
I do not discuss the toothpaste cap or other daily issues. In my experience is that when intimacy is addressed the other issues tend to dissipate.
The experiential portion of the session is done in my beautifully lit, comfortable, warm, clean room. There is a massage table and plenty of floor space to move about comfortably.
Sessions are a brief introduction to my theories and how they pertain particularly to you, followed by safe experiential exercises that bring you present, safe and connected. Some sessions are only a safe intimate connected hand touch and hug, learning to let go of resentments and past paths. Others are more sex education and hands on for discovering presence pleasure and silent communication, meeting your needs and your partners needs with comfort and respect.
This detailed testimonial: We saw one of Amy’s articles, and contacted her. She was very professional and spoke with each of us on the phone. Each visit started with us dialoguing a few sentences that she gave us about our views on life, intimacy and sex, we talked a lot more about them at home. The rest of the sessions were mostly quiet except for Amy directing us. She is professional, funny and an awesome hugger. She understood us, had us hugging, breathing and laughing and we felt reconnected quickly and even though Amy is there directing, it felt like it was just us. We did movement, standing and pushing on each other it was like dancing and wrestling, and we can’t do either of those. I think Amy was doing it with us, I can’t remember. She is amazing at being present and being invisible at the same time, if that makes sense. We could not wait for our second session and talked a lot about our first session. Next session we did massages, my husband loved this part, her directing me to find what he might like, even he learned about how it all works, what he did like surprised us both. I had requested to learn about orgasms as I rarely ever had them. In our third session she was more hands on than we had expect, but completely professional and appropriate showing both of us the mechanics and techniques, my husband was fascinated, she made it easy and casual. She is extremely knowledgable, hilariously funny, clinical yet in a sexy way. We will explore what we have learned and with two small kids it’s hard to find the time, we plan to see her regularly to make sure we work on us. I can’t say enough good things. We did not know what we did not know. We thought we were coming to fix what was fizzling out that we would leave and go back to our pre kid sex life, but we are both glad that we have so much.
Do you have sex with your clients?
No. Absolutely not. Not under any circumstances. No penetration, nope not genital, not oral. Boundaries keep us all safe allow me to keep you safe and comfortable. I make authentic heart connections with my clients, which feels like love, because it is. I am not a sexual service.
Do I have to be naked?
No. Not at all. I am all about respectful boundaries and consent. You can wear comfortable light pyjamas or workout, yoga clothing and we touch over the clothing.
You can learn however you are comfortable. You might choose to be naked for certain sessions - or not. Some people come to learn things that they want to be naked for, like where is the G-Spot? Where is the P-Spot? How do I…? I prefer to demonstrate with you and your partner when appropriate, that way you are in discovery together.
Some sessions are about trauma recovery, letting go of resentment, or other issues and can be fully clothed or in your underwear. Some couples choose to come and bring a change of lingerie when they are here and make an event of their session. Whatever your preference, I always keep you feeling safe, comfortable and within your boundaries.
Will you be naked?
Most sessions I am fully clothed.
I believe in experiential learning, therefore some sessions are done where I remove my dress and/or bra, my panties are always on. I remove some clothing of mine for body acceptance sessions I am a prime example of juicy imperfection. In some sessions conscious touch and connection for certain traumas and recoveries skin on skin is best. For some couples and individuals the example and/or shared erotic experience is part of the session. All of these can be done with me being fully clothed as well. Every session is catered to you. I am 5’, 145lbs and have had children, I am a middle aged jiggly woman.
Are you going to touch my partner?
I respect all boundaries including religious parameters.
Consent is one of the main things I teach. Both asking and giving are sexy. It is always up to you.
I am not here to engage sexually with your partner, but to guide you both on your own sensual exploration. I am completely non-threatening and I am happy to share my techniques. There are physical responses that I know how or where to look for as in the case of pain or lack of sensation that can require touch.
Jealousy is never an issue in my sessions, I am highly sensitive to making the session all about your safety, confidence, and security. This is about connecting you to your partner. Some clients describe the setting as that I am both present and invisible at the same time.
Do we have sex in front of you?
You are going to share intimacy and possibly explore pleasure, this might include holding hands, discovering, touching, breathing or penetration between the two of you. How you finish depends on the nature of your session.
Sometimes No. Sometimes Yes. I am not here to critique or grade you. Some couples want me there for in the moment guidance. Sounds awkward but it’s not. By my holding you in safe connection you can then repeat that experience in your own life. Some come for instructions “slow down, hold hips, exhale, do that thing I showed you… or here, try this enhancer (toy)”. Some couples have physical challenges and need creative solutions, positions and instructions. Other couples stay and I leave the room providing them with privacy.
I am professional, respectful of boundaries, constantly checking in, very aware and will make you feel utmost safe and comfortable.
How do you teach Intimacy techniques without having sex?
I teach pleasure. "Sex is a full body contact sport and most are only showing up with the ball" When people think of sex it is usually penetration. Sex is full body pleasure and the orgasm is the climax of pleasure. Experience touch feather touch, firm grip, breath on skin, the hands, palms and fingers, ears, elbows, knees - the entire body is an erogenous zone. I give realistic mostly non-verbal homework, it is not always necessary to actually practice the techniques in session.
I have visual aids; an anatomical male dildo named Kevin and an anatomical correct kitty pillow that is specifically made for teaching.
Do you have sex toys?
They do too much these days to be called toys. I have all kinds of sex enhancements for fun or results. You can be introduced to them and try them with my suggestion in a more friendly environment. It is a lot less intimidating coming from me. I also have male enhancers to help when needed. I find solutions, including a magnetic cock ring I have designed myself which works like V and is currently in production.
I am a woman can you teach me to be more orgasmic?
Yes! Yes! and Yes! Most men and women have experienced some sort of intimacy trauma or don't actually understand how their body works, how the mind and belief systems fit together, I can help to connect all of the elements of pleasure. Men appreciate my direct approach. Women tell me they appreciate the subtleties and kindness.
I am a man can you teach me to last longer?
Yes! Yes! and Yes! Men contact me regularly thinking that they have premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction. What they really have is a lack of confidence, sex education and intimacy skills. When you experience full body pleasure, learn how to control and what to do, you are learning to be an all around better more present lover. The more tools and techniques you have the more confidence you have in all parts of your life.
Can you teach me how to touch a woman?
Absolutely! And in ways that she has probably never experienced before! Most people learn about touch through porn or partners. Porn has no interest in pleasure. Porn is Fantasy Entertainment. The techniques I teach will take your abilities to new heights! Again bringing more confidence to all parts of your life.
Can you help me introduce anal to my partner?
This is by far one of my most frequent questions. I have ways to introduce this to both of you comfortably in a way that you can see how/if anal play is for you.
Men want to have more anal exploration on themselves and on their female or male partners. Woman want anal play but want to know that their partners know what they are doing.
It can absolutely deepen the connection, intimacy and the closeness of couples. And it is pleasurable for most when done properly. I want you both to know what you are doing.
I think I have very unusual preferences. Can you help?
I can help you explore the impact of your preferences. We can work together to understand and identify new ways of seeing and integrating your desires into your life, while decreasing shame.
I am not offering sexual services, I’m here to support you to identify and connect with the pleasure in your body and life, and move beyond obstacles that get in the way of your full aliveness.
Can Intimacy therapy help me with depression?
Yes, connected intimacy and healing touch taps into your bodies' own chemical balance. My simple techniques instantly access and relax the parasympathetic nervous system helping reduce cortisol levels. I have seen excellent results releasing the core reasons for depression. When we feel deeply, intimately connected and safe with nurturing conscious touch, dramatic changes happen. I give you the tools to keep the feelings of calm connection and safety to take with you and keep building these cumulatively and naturally.
What if I don't have a partner?
Sexy is an inside job. We are each responsible for feeling sexy and alive and learning about pleasure, it’s like taking a cooking class when you are single. You still like to eat and someday you’ll cook for a guest or two.
What if my partner does not want to come?
“What affects me affects us." Each situation is different. Show them my site. Contact me for a complimentary phone or Skype consultation. I want you to feel safe and comfortable.
Sometimes we can have a partner and still feel alone. Ultimately we are each responsible for our own sexual needs safety and life pursuits. We each have our own sexuality and between us we have our relational sexuality, all three points have to be respectfully and realistically addressed for balance, otherwise there tends to be one person growing distant, feeling shame, resentment or guilt.
What if I am a virgin?
There are virgins of every age for many reasons. Although you have not had intercourse you are still a sexual being deserving of caring, conscious touch, kindness and intimate connection. Whether you are overcoming trauma, just exploring your own intimacy and pleasure, have questions or concerns, I am happy to see you.
What is the difference between a Sex Therapist and Amy Intimacy therapist?
A sex therapist is available to talk with you about sex and your sexual connection. Somatic therapies relating to the body, distinct from the mind means we learn best by experience. I can talk about how to create more intimate connection but when I take you by the hand and lead you there together the gap is closed you are now connected intimately and safely.
I have techniques and exercises I have developed that bring you together instantly dropping resentment and fear. Through this knowledge, you can then bring it into your life and relationships.
How long and how frequent should sessions be?
Everyone and every situation is different.
For those who travel a distance or from other continents to see me, I try to make it one session with follow-up Skype sessions, if needed.
It also depends on the couple. Are you newlyweds? One session.
Are we recovering from an affair? Probably three sessions over six weeks.
Couples with kids who have ‘busy’ lives? I suggest they book every couple of months to keep the erotic desire alive while there are so many distractions.
I have some couples who see me yearly for their anniversary.
I suggest couples book with me once or twice a year regularly like a check up and have it in their calendars.
I hear from couples who have their intimate sessions pre-booked that they look forward to it, save erotic questions and incorporate further exploration into their intimacy such as power play or sensual massage techniques or we can create a sensual menu for the two of you for homework.
How much you want to explore is up to you.
I’m nervous - I don't see my question or issue listed here - how do I decide if it's right to work with you?
It’s understandable to be nervous if you haven’t spoken to anyone about this before.
To start, you may feel more comfortable emailing with me about your questions and concerns. You may even prefer to have a phone call anonymously. Whatever makes you comfortable.
What is the process?
First, contact me! Book a complimentary phone or Skype consultation, or send an email with your questions and situation.
Then, I have a call with each of you, separately or together whichever is appropriate for the situation. I ask what you would or would not like to learn, see or experience, and what you would want your partner to learn or experience in our session.